Unconfirmed Sources
Unconfirmed Sources Online Edition: Political Satire and Humorous News parodies.

• Levi Johnston : Very Lucky to be alive
  (ST. Paul : Minneapolis) Ucs News-- Levi Johnston must be the luckiest guy around. I have to admire him, messing around with the Alaskan governor Sarah Pailn's daughter takes some real balls on his part. Some may call it love, bravery or foolishness of youth, I call it a miracle he is not dead. By all rights, Levi should be in a shallow grave but instead he is hanging out with John McCain and the whole conservative RNC crew. My hat is off to you brother.
  
• Sarah Palin To Record Re Mix Of Pretty Hate Machine
  Unconfirmed sources are reporting that Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin will be joining Nine Inch Nails front man Trent Reznor to record a remix of the industrial metal album Pretty Hate Machine. The pair will reportedly go into the studio in the next few days with the album to be released just before the election.
  
• Griff Jenkins' Mother to Address Republican National Convention
  ST. PAUL, Minnesota (Ucs News) -- The tearful Isabella Jenkins delivered a powerful speech to the Republican National Convention today. The mother of the slain Fox news reporter Griff Jenkins took the stage with Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Holding the hand of Gov. Palin, Mrs. Jenkins told the gathering of her sons "patriotic sacrifice".
  
• History Channel Launches New Series : Gay Ice Road Truckers
  (Wasilla,Alaska) Ucs News-- With the ratings of last seasons hit U.S. television show Ice Road Truckers slumping, the History Channel is looking to spice up the offering . Since debuting in 2007, the U.S.-based History Channel series has been chronicling truck drivers hauling big industrial loads on the fragile winter ice roads of the Northwest Territories. According to the shows producer, "we need to show that homosexuals can drive big trucks on slippery ice."
  
• Peggy Noonan Detained by Fox Security
  
  
  
  Minneapolis, MN (Rotters) - Conservative writer and commentator Peggy Noonan was today detained for questioning by Fox security. She was physically removed from an MSNBC set outside of the Republican National Convention at Nutter Arena in Minneapolis St. Paul, following a brief standoff with MSNBC security. Noonan, who was appearing with MSNBC pundit Chuck Todd, had earlier apparently not recognized that a microphone was still live, and in a presumably off air conversation declared that, "it's over", implying that the Republican Party had lost the presidential election through Sen. McCain's appointment of Sarah Palin as his vice presidential running mate. As the off-camera gaffe began sweeping the Internet through YouTube, Fox security stepped in to shut down the interview off-camera as the live crowd became unruly.
  
• Tina Turner placed in protective custody as Hurricane Ike churns toward the A...
  Miami – As Hurricane Ike continued its steady course westward toward the Caribbean, authorities in the U.S. took no chances, placing soul icon Tina Turner in protective custody in an undisclosed location.
  
• Terrorist Osama Bin Laden to Address Republican National Convention
  ST. PAUL, Minnesota (Ucs News) -- International terrorist Osama Bin Laden delivered a video tapped message Republican National Convention. 45 minute The video message was the nights highlight. Bin Laden said Tuesday night that only Republican Sen. John McCain has "shown the courage and capability to rise above logic and cast off the chains of reason."
  
• McCain's Palin Problems : VP and abstinence counselor : Levi Johnston Score! ...
  
  John McCain : Trending Down
  Political career ending just like his flying career...
  in a huge fire ball
  Unconfimed advice:
  Eject before impact
  
• Mice and Rabbits Living Longer, Healthier Lives
  
  Thanks to advances in medicine, mice and rabbits are now free from cancer, heart disease and other illnesses and are now living longer, healthier and more productive lives, according to researchers from the nation's top pharmaceutical companies.
  
  "We have managed to develop a vaccine that will specifically kill cancer cells while leaving healthy cells alone", said David Kern of Jennerex Biotherapeutics, San Francisco, CA. "This is a remarkable breakthrough! We have added years to the lives of mice and rabbits!"
  
• Palin Goes "Northern Exposure" in November Playboy Issue for GOP
  
  CLICK TO ENLARGE
  
  
  Hollywood, CA (DMZ) - Presumptive Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has apparently resurfaced after almost a week of sequestration by the Republican Party at their national convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul. She has been busy with a photo shoot for the popular men's magazine Playboy, and will be reportedly appearing in the centerfold in a special November presidential elections issue, DMZ has learned.